Agape Love, God's Love

What I found interesting reading throughout the semester, was one of the concepts discussed in chapter 9, agape love, which is an unconditional love. Many a times, we tend to label love on the things we receive from people, especially in a relationship. Love itself, has to be sacrificial, it involves giving out one self not expecting the same measure back.  Agape love is the greatest among all other kind of love, but sad to say not everyone is walking in the reality of it. To have a fruitful, healthy and lasting relationship, both individuals must embrace agape love which is the love God has set for us as human beings to emulate. God is the founder of agape love, because He loved us so much that he gave everything to us, even His son Jesus Christ, what else he can’t give to us. That is love in action. When we love this way, the earth is going to be like heaven to live forever. this is a concept, in the book, i think i would like to discuss further on in life, because it brings about every solution in human relationship. if we embrace this kind of love, in our sick world, it will bring healing to every thing that has gone wrong.

fun class

My favorite things about this class, was being able to blog with different people taking this class and share their philosophy about what was in the book. The commentary I got on my blog as well made me feel good, that people also do appreciate what I had to say. One of the interesting things about this class was the textbook used. It is book, I would like to keep on my book shelve and make reference to at all times. This book brought a lot of insight to me about interpersonal communication. I thought communication was all about just talking about you and listening to the other, but the book made me understand that, it is ok to do just that, but there are other dimensions to communication. The only thing, I felt, I wasn’t satisfied with the class, was the fact that, there was no medium to check out the correction on the quizzes and exams. That I think should be a thing to improve on, in the future, but overall, the class was fun and insightful.

mindful listening, the key

One of the concepts I learnt in this book was mindful listening. Even though I thought I pay close attention to every conversation I engage in, the book explained it beyond my own understanding. Mindful listening is very important in all works of life, especially to maintain a healthy relationship. Men always fall short in this aspect, because they like to get straight to the issue, while women wants to tell about every detail in their conversation. I ran into a lot of problem, at work, with my family members and even my relationship, because I wasn’t a good mindful listener. There is a saying, that experience is the best teacher, and knowledge is never enough. As I read through this concept in the book, I had to evaluate myself and did a check and balance on aspect I need to be take into consideration when engaging in a conversation.

Launching Children

Launching children is the time of vital change for most parents. This is the stage when children leave for college, or those who are of age deciding to move out own their own. It is very difficult for parents at this stage to accept the fact that their children are matured enough to face life on their own. This is mostly on the mothers, because they get more involved in a child’s life from his childhood stage still when he is grown up. For fathers, they care for their own children, but would not restrain them from taking up responsibility for themselves.  According to the book, this is the time when young adult increase independence and self discovery. In chapter one, one of the needs of human’s according to Maslow theory, was self actualization, that is to say, everyone gets to a stage in life, when he questions himself or herself, “why or what is my purpose in life”, and at this launching out stage, young adults, want to figure that out soon.

50years from now_q2

The concept of marriage is changing rapidly and the idea of a man getting married to a woman is being under rated. People in this age and culture see marriage as two individuals living together based on some mutual agreement. The idea of lasting marriage is no more in vogue, meaning people can decide to opt out of any relationship, not considering the commitment and vows binding the union. I will predict a higher rate of divorce in the next 50 years.We recognize that these failures have been unanticipated and unintended. The divorce revolution set out to achieve some worthy social goals; to foster greater equality between men and women; to improve the family lives of women, and to expand individual happiness and choice. We recognize the enduring importance of these social goals.

Yet the divorce revolution has not brought us closer to these goals but has cast us at greater distance from them. Relationships between men and women are not getting better; by many measures, they are getting worse. They are becoming more difficult, fragile, and unhappy. Too many women are experiencing chronic economic insecurity. Too many men are isolated and estranged from their children. Too many people are lonely and unconnected. Too many children are angry, sad, and neglected.

family_q1

My definition of family is a union between a man and a woman, who decides to live together for better or worse, till death does separate them. Primarily, a family starts when a man marries a woman into his life and them both bear kids of their own. The responsibility in having a family comes with diverse notion birth from different cultures, and people practice, what the society calls norm, in raising their own family. The importance of family cannot be over looked, because a healthy society arises from a stable and functional family unit. There is a proverb which says”charity begins at home”. The idea of family is a unit of people who care, love and cater for each other. Always there to celebrate success and most time support each other through some difficult time. From the book, it talked about family who own their feelings and not blaming others for their problem.

Agape Love; God's kind of Love

What I found interesting in this chapter, is agape love, which is an unconditional love. Many a times, we tend to label love on the things we receive from people, especially in a relationship. Love itself, has to be sacrificial, it involves giving out one self not expecting the same measure back.  Agape love is the greatest amongst all other kind of love, but sad to say not everyone is walking in the reality of it. To have a fruitful, healthy and lasting relationship, both individuals must embrace agape love which is the love God has set for us as human beings to emulate. God is the founder of agape love, because He loved us so much that he gave everything to us, even His son Jesus Christ, what else he can’t give to us. That is love in action. When we love this way, the earth is going to be like heaven to live forever.

Q2

I have being in a relationship, where love was present, but no commitment. This happened when I was in my final year in high school. I was dating this girl since 9^th grade, and everything was going on fine; we had puppy love going on then. We talked about less important things, school stuff and where we would like to go for college.  In love, we both decided to school in the same location. When it was about time to leave high school to transfer to college, she then came and told me that she wanted to go to a different place to school because her girlfriends were moving up there and she didn’t want to be left behind. It happened, and we separated. That was love without commitment for me.

The other relationship had no love but there was commitment, because we needed something from each other. We meet in college and I needed a place to stay and she did too. We talked into getting a place together, and it happened. We started hanging out more but we didn’t share common goal. So whenever I did something contrary to her believe, she gets upset and bluff out her feeling, even though I didn’t appreciate it, we still had to stay together because of the commitment made.

In either way, love without commitment or commitment without love; don’t seem to be a good ground for a healthy and lasting relationship. Both has to be present, because that what makes people live healthy, happy and fulfilled in life.

online deceit_q1

I think it is unethical to misrepresent oneself anywhere, just for selfish or wrong motive. People, who do that, always have bad intention toward others in expense to their satisfaction. I strongly agree with the researcher, saying, there is greater deceit on online communities than face to face. A lot of people on online relationship have identity issue. They don’t really believe in them self in having a committed relationship with people face to face, due to the fact that, they may have experience some bad relationship, or hurt from other. Most of the reasons could include, inferiority complex, that is, they easily feel intimidated by others success or achievement, shyness, lack of self-motivation, depression, which leads to falsely identifying oneself to be who they really aren’t. A typical incident had happened to one of my friend, whom after recovering from a bad experience in her relationship to a guy she dated for 5years, decided to do online dating. She meets this guy on line, who supposedly claimed to be 35 years in age, and kept a picture to portray his youthfulness. My friend decided to hold a date with him, and later found out on the date, he was in his late 50ths, very funny.

Trust

Trust is so important in our relationship with people. The book says trust involves confidence with others. We tend to trust people, who have in the past or some point in our lives, shown some good will towards us. It is difficult to trust, when we have bad experience in the past, especially with the ones who are close to us. Trust also assumes emotional reliability, which is belief that a friend care about us and welfare. I remember a point in my life, when I needed someone through my trying times, I had little friends who I could reach via the phone, but they didn’t satisfy what I was craving for just without not seeing them. I appreciated the fact, that I had a family who loved and care for me, and when they came to my aid, I felt loved and cared for, not feeling alone anymore. It felt good to know I could trust my family member any day.

Best Friends_10/28-11/4

When I think about what makes someone a good friend, I think about all the characteristics of my own friends. My personal definition of a friend is someone who is always looking out for me, and will help me if I’m in trouble. A friend has to be someone I trust and who trusts me in return. Another important characteristic in a friend is someone who I can talk to, and makes me laugh. One of the most important traits of a friend is someone who will help you if you need it. One personal experience I had with this was when my friends, during my high school days, Caleb, josh, and I we all out driving around late at night. We were on our way home from going up to my camp at the lake, it was four in the morning, and we were all tired. I was driving my car and we had just gotten off the North way when I ran over a glass bottle and my tire popped. I didn’t know what to do. We had no money, and were stranded. Millions of thoughts were racing through my mind: what would I tell my mom, how could we get it fixed, and most importantly how could I stay out of trouble. My friend Mark called up his brother to come and tow the car. His actions that night made me realized that a true friend would take risks for each other. That to me showed that they really are committed to our friendship and they trust and accept me without judging they way the situation happened.

question 1_friendship.com_10/28-11/4

Reading from the advice forum, on http://www.friendship.com.au/, the issues that arise have a whole lot to do with the challenges people encounter in friendship.  Some of the issues range from knowing how to keep a friend, friend needing support and a lot more. The chapter, in this book on friendship, gave a clear understanding on how, some of these issues can be addressed and avoided. Sadly to say, most people don’t want to invest time in developing a real and lasting friendship with other people. We live in a computerized age, where everything has to be micro-waved or being served in a rush. According to the book, unlike other relationship like marriage and family, which have legal rules governing them, friendship does not. It is a personal decision on both party to determine how friendship is going to last. Most of the issues, which arises from the advice forum, can be as a result of the fear of moving forward, which the book highlighted; many of the friendship relationship remain at that.

Respond constructively to criticism_10/15-10/21

Respond constructively to criticism as defined on the book simply means to respond effectively when others offer constructive criticism. As simple as it may sound, criticism is one of the hardest thing people tend to deal with. It also depends on how we approach the word criticism; it could be positive or negative, giving to the situation is being applied. A positive criticism can be viewed as a constructive response to criticize on a platform to build or pass across information, which may be relevant to us. One of the difficult tasks companies face in our time is having the skill to manage people. Nobody wants to be told what to do, how to act or speak, because it may be offense and self demining. Responding to constructive criticism is one of the essential keys to success in life. Nobody is an island of him or herself, we need people to evaluate us, and it takes a humble and a goal oriented individual to receive a constructive criticism.  

 

 

 

Gibbs defensiveness in communication_10/15-10/21

One of the interactions I could think of that I felt disconfirmed and defensive, was the conversation I had with my Boy Scout commandant, when I was in ninth grade. During my high school years I served as the patrol leader of the Boy Scout I joined since fourth grade.  I was always responsible to see that everybody was fully dressed in their proper uniform and had all the required gears, anytime we had a patrol. One day the commandant came around and told us to inform our parents that we were going to have a three day camping outside school. He later called me aside, being the patrol leader of my unit and told me to come down to his office, at 3pm, that same day, to collect the printed letter that would be handed to each student for their folks. I got down to his office 2mins earlier than 3pm, and waited for him. He never showed up, and then I left for home. The next day in school, my commandant called me out in front of the whole team, and scolded me with words I felt was harsh, and disconfirming, saying, I was irresponsible for not coming down to pick up the letters without allowing me to explain myself. According to Gibbs defensiveness-producing communication, I could highlight, control superiority and evaluation

acknowledging people_10/15-10/21

I have been interested in this topic since my first real relationship in high school. For the first time, I learned how to open up to another person and grow a strong relationship. We never had problems with communicating and always told each other what we liked, and didn’t like about the relationship. Expressing the things we felt uncomfortable with in terms of the way the relationship was going helped us fix the issues and we got through it stronger than before. We had some problems, though, that seemed to never have a resolution. The trust slowly started to disappear and nothing we did to try and fix it brought it back. As she started getting more comfortable with me, she became verbally abusive whenever things between us didn’t go his way. I felt that I needed space and some more time with my friends but she couldn’t understand why.  The most things I failed to do was to acknowledge and give recognition what she was trying to say and humbly respect her point of view on issues that concerns us. Reading this chapter brought to light what I never developed, the aspect of acknowledgment, recognition and endorsement.

 

Social Influence on emotion_q3_10/1-10/7

Social influence on emotion is being influenced by culture and belief of different people in the society. Take for example, the election coming up between Mitt Romney and President Barack Obama, the voters are going to vote into president who they are emotionally attach to, based on the way they project their personal lifestyle and what they do to make them who they are and also if either of the candidates will touch their lives on each of their personal needs. The media has helped built up a picture of both party. Now a days, people don’t have an opinion of theirs; with the fast pace of technology, people are working hard to meet up to the demands to survive.  No one has the time to build up his or her personal believe. Every one depends on what the society calls norm and what lessons it brings, which in turn affects their emotion state on issues of life.

The issues of fallacies_q2_10/1-10/7

One of the fallacies described in the book, that not occasionally occur in my intrapersonal communication now is, taking responsibility for others.  My parent gave birth to two kids, me and my little brother. The age gap between us was not that far, so my dad always tells me that I should take responsibility for my younger brother. So any time he gets into a problem, I was held responsible for him, and when he gets spanked by my dad, I felt guilty about it, and put the blame on myself. I could remember a time when he got into a fight at high school, then I was about transferring to college, he got a deep cut on his hand, so bad that the ambulance had to take him away for treatment. It was so bad, that it got me thinking that it was my lack of watching over him that got him to the hospital. Over the years, I learnt how to deal with this issue. I had to read books that dealt with taking responsibilities for one self and attended seminar on building me to take responsibility for myself and let others take theirs. I learnt to control my intrapersonal communication, by constantly reminding myself that, I can’t control the decisions people would want to take for their lives, and in as much can’t control the consequences that accompany every decision made.

perceptual influences_q1_10/1-10/7

In chapter 7, it talks about emotion and communication, and one of the perspectives of emotion that made the most sense to me was perceptual influences on emotion which emphasizes on the facts that emotion has no meaning, only to the degree of significance we attach to it. The perceptual influences on emotion deals on how we label a particular event around us and have a lot to do with the way we react to things we encounter in our external part of self. For example, anger can be viewed as being positive or negative, depending on the way we perceive the situation and how we label it to react. Negative anger can lead to increased blood pressure, and also makes it difficult to think straight, and it can harm your physical and mental health. Many instances, people are disturbed, not based on what the situation might be, but how they label it to be.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the act of being aware or rather present in your thought at anytime, when involved in a conversation. It could be a difficult task sometimes, to gain a hundred percent focus, when having a conversation, because, our mind tends o wonder away to things that was pre-existing in the mind, or matters that where left unsolved. I would like to use a family setting to illustrate, how mindfulness, is very important. For a father of two kids, who are in college, and a CEO of a company, it would be better if he focus on the need of the kids, when he done solving office affairs to gain full mindfulness of the situation. From personal experience, mindfulness meditation gives me a feeling of obtaining a healthy mind and body from the attention and peace I obtained. Such feelings resulting from proper practice of mindfulness meditation is not limited to my own thoughts.